RIP Rocky Aoki, Founder of Benihana

A moment of silence please, for the late Rocky Aoki who passed away late night on Thursday, July 10th.

Aoki was best known for being the founder of Benihana of Tokyo restaurants. In other words, he was solely responsible for horrible faux Japanese cuisine in the United States, as well as inspiring one of the best Office episodes ever.

No, really. Don’t even try to argue with me that Benihana is an authentic ethnic cuisine and that it’s really delicious. Also, please don’t try to reiterate that Rocky’s version of teppanyaki originated from samurai swords because it wasn’t. Send me as many Wikipedia links as you want, but I refuse to believe that of all the things associated with his restaurant chain, the samurai lifestyle had anything to do with it. And I’m sure they had much better things to do that slice up some shrimp and pop it into their client’s mouth while singing “Happy Birthday.”

If I had to give him credit, I will admit that Rocky was a genius for brainwashing people into thinking that grilled food that was chopped up and juggled around was something you’d actually want to call dinner.

Also, thank you, Rocky, for also being the only Asian guy I ever saw to sport Jheri Curls.

And don’t forget that Rocky defied all typical Asian traditions of putting your family first — I’ve never heard of a Japanese guy suing his own children for not accepting his new wife, Keiko, especially after he changed his will that gave her full control over distributing their inheritance. Anyone else remember this awesome New York Magazine profile on his family?

But don’t worry! This Japanese Brady Bunch is all good now!

Despite litigation between Aoki and his children over the past two years, all six of them were at his bedside when he died, along with his third wife Keiko Ono Aoki. (link)

Awww, such a happy ending for a drama-filled family.

Seriously, VH1, where are you? You need to start following this family around with cameras, cause they would make some seriously good reality television. Rocky may be gone, but his wealth remains and I want to see his kids duke it out with their new stepmother. Naked.

(Not really. I just wrote that to see if you were paying attention.)