By Anonymous
Having now entered the second trimester of my pregnancy, there really is no denying that I’m knocked up — the belly seems to swell another inch every day and I think I’ve already started waddling. And as any woman who has found herself pregnant, I am now the recipient of an endless flow of advice, mostly unwanted and unsolicited… and as a Korean-American, I get a nice spin of decidedly American and Korean advice, much which entirely conflicts each other.
Conflicting Information #1: My mother reminds me on a near weekly basis that I should not allow my belly to get cold under any circumstance, despite the fact that we’ve been having the warmest summer on record here in NYC. She says it impedes baby growth. She recommends I put warm water bottles on the belly to keep the baby well heated. Besides the fact that my laptop does a nice job of keeping my lower extremities toasty, and the fact that pregnancy is like having an internal furnace that keeps me (and my partner) constantly overheated and uncomfortable, all the western baby books like to remind women not to do anything that might overheat the growing fetus – no saunas, hot tubs, or visits to the mega Korean bath house in College Point.
Conflicting Information #2: As a decidedly tall and average weighted Korean woman, I’ve been following the western medical guidelines for appropriate weight gain. According to my doctor, I should aim to gain between 25-35 lbs. At the rate which I have been gaining weight, I don’t think gaining 30 lbs will be a problem at all for me. A Korean pregnancy book I recently got my hands on recommends women gain no more than approximately 18 – 22 lbs. SERIOUSLY! Given that I’ve already gained 8 lbs in the first 4.5 months, that means I only have a margin of 14 lbs to distribute over the next 5.5 months. One assumes the Korean guidelines are designed for a group of people decidedly smaller than myself or my partner. At 5’ 7” (me) and 6’ 3” (my partner) we are just a smidge taller than your average Korean couple and hence more inline with western proportions of growth. But what happens to all those poor Korean women in Korea who are above average in size? Do they get shunned and ridiculed in a society obsessed with the youthfulness and delicacy of their women?
Conflicting Information #3: Finally — and most controversially — we get to the topic of activity: As a marathoner, triathelite, and dedicated yogi, not being physically active during my pregnancy is not an option. I still run but slowly and only short distances. I also still attend my weekly power yoga classes though I modify extensively. Lest you think this crazy, some of the top female marathoners are known to train and run until their 9th month of pregnancy. In fact, both Paula Radcliffe and KaraGoucher are currently pregnant, due on the same day in September, and are training together. This activity, not surprisingly, drives my mother insane and makes her do that Korean mother eye buggy thing — and she doesn’t even know everything I do. If she could, I believe she would just tie me down in my bed for the next 5 months.
According to Korean tradition and my mother, women are not supposed to do any strenuous activity during the entire duration of the pregnancy. She even stopped me from lifting a large watermelon at a recent family dinner and forced me to take the elevator instead of walking up the stairs to my 3rd floor apartment. And forget about going to a rock concert.
Word of advice: If you are going to see Arcade Fire in concert, do not tell your Korean mother. She may call in a bomb threat to get the show cancelled. Also, if you’re in your first trimester, the noxious smell of weed at the concert might make you vomit… a lot.
And finally, there is nothing like a Korean mother’s well wishes to make you question your self-worth. In her most Korean of Korean moments, my mom likes to tell me “Every day I pray to God that your baby will be good looking and smart.” She has a good point there. It would help our baby if it were both good looking and smart. But I can’t think of a more Korean way of saying something: blunt, honest, truthful, but ever so mildly insensitive in its phrasing. Does she think that my husband and I are both stupid and ugly and thus requiring of endless prayers to ensure a pretty, smart child?
(Flickr photo credit: Stinkie Pinkie)
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