Mother’s Day with 8Asians: My Mother & Hapa Identity

8Asians is celebrating Mother’s Day all week (Pssst…Don’t forget, it’s May 8th!) by doing what we do best: writing about the women who raised us, nurtured us, taught us, spoiled us, protected us and occasionally for some, drove us up the wall. We love our moms and wanted to share personal stories as a tribute to their hard work.

Dear Mom,

We’ve had our fair share of fights. We’ve fought about piano practice, flute practice, swimming practice, fencing practice, setting the table, clearing the table, and going to sleep. You’ve watched me try tennis, ballet, musical theater, voice, and (for a brief moment) jazz. I didn’t stick with much of it, but without your pushing I wouldn’t have tried any of it. Some might call you a Tiger Mother. I think now that you were helping me figure out who I was.

No matter how many times I’ve told you that I thought of myself as Asian American, without you I would have never thought about my identity in the first place. I remember sitting down with you, filling out the Census in the days when a person could only be one box. You told me that I was “other”–not Caucasian, not Asian, but a mix of both. Some years later, when I was filling out college applications, you told me not to put myself down as Asian because I would be held to a different academic standard. Before then, I’d never thought that identity was so fluid. You made me see that how you categorize yourself can change how people see you, and how you see yourself.

Even now, when I try something new at college, I think about what you’ve told me. I don’t want to be like I was in high school, barely doing anything besides study. (Not that you haven’t emphasized the importance of studying.) But I want to make you proud. I want you to see me finding myself, figuring out what I want to do, and gaining positions that will help me do that. I want you to be able to tell your friends that your daughter is going places, and that she has a good head on her shoulders.

Most of all, I want you to know that you got me here.

So happy Mother’s Day, Mom. I love you, and I appreciate everything you’ve done.

With love,
Susan