Mother’s Day with 8Asians: Becoming a Mother and Grandmother

8Asians is celebrating Mother’s Day all week (Pssst…Don’t forget, it’s May 8th!) by doing what we do best: writing about the women who raised us, nurtured us, taught us, spoiled us, protected us and occasionally for some, drove us up the wall. We love our moms and wanted to share personal stories as a tribute to their hard work.

My mother was with us the week before my newborn twins made their much-anticipated entrance into the world, and stayed for about a month afterwards. Originally, when she insisted on being here for that long, it did make me pause for a moment. I mean, what would it be like for us to essentially live together again for almost 6 weeks since we had a tendency to drive each other crazy? Flashbacks to our bickering during my high school days almost made me try to convince them to cut the trip shorter feigning excuses like “Oh, it’ll be too tiring for you,” and “Who’s going to take care of ahbba?” But her visit ended up being really amazing–I honestly couldn’t have imagined surviving the first month of motherhood without her.

As expected, she was tireless in her busy work around the house – everything from cooking almost every meal (she made sure I had my fill of miyukgook three times a day), doing the laundry, the dishes, and taking care of our Boxer pup Ellis (who she was not terribly fond of in the first place), to answering the door, cleaning out the fridge, rubbing my swollen feet during feedings, and just being supportive with the babies: changing diapers, swaddling, washing diapers, and getting up in the middle of the night with me. Anything that I thought to do, she already did, and that much more without a single word. I have no idea where she got the energy to do it all.

More than that, my mother was unexpectedly goofy and giggly, even more so with the babies. She became silly and sang them songs, gave them nicknames, told them stories, and just covered them with kisses. I didn’t know my usually stoic Asian mom was capable of so much PDA. I think if I didn’t say anything she would have constantly held one of them all day long, just loving on them non-stop.

So, I still don’t really feel like a mom. I wonder if that takes awhile, but my mom definitely became a grandmother within the first few minutes of meeting them. It was truly a treat to watch this transformation. Just like the twins are bringing out a whole new dynamic in my relationship with Andy and in my own identity, it has allowed a different side of her to come to the surface. I have loved seeing this in her, and her relationship with her new grandchildren.

For her selflessness and long-suffering–there has never been one word of complaint or expectation, she always put up with my bossy, bratty self, and lately, all my hormonal ebbs and flows–her deep, deep love as my mother, I will always be grateful…and even more appreciative as I figure out how to keep these babies alive. I will now be thankful for the ways she is a grandmother to our little ones.

Happy Mother’s Day, ummah–love you.