For those not au fait with APA blogosphere lingo, “IR disparity” refers to the Asian American heterosexual male’s gripe with Asian American heterosexual females dating and marrying “out,” as in getting it on with non-Asians. Yes, it’s a gripe, a petulant, nagging, neverending whine whine “why don’t you love me?” whine, albeit a legitimate, validated gripe. Every APA blogsite (that counts) has at some point addressed the IR disparity or at least was coerced into addressing it by troll commenters. The IR disparity has a long history of— People, stop chuckling and rolling your eyes here. This issue is as important as civil rights. And in any case I’ve got a solution. A solid one.
First, a little context for the gripe. There’s this mysterious Tyra Banks statistic, which I cannot find the source of, but if Tyra Banks says it is so, then it must be so, that more than 75% of the interracial dating scene is between Asian females and white males. Last year, the Pew Research Center came out with a report titled “Marrying Out” that found Asians to marry out at the highest frequency among all races, with 40% of the Asians marrying out being female (and only 20% of Asian males marrying out). An older study, “What Makes You Click? Mate Preferences and Matching Outcomes in Online Dating” suggests there are attribute trade-offs in mate preferences, specifically in income to ethnicity, and found that an Asian male who wants a white woman needs to make $247,000 more than a white man who wants to get that same white woman. The authors of the study write that these results “should not be taken fully literally,” but a quick keyword search online pulls up tons of IR debates where people must have missed that part and therefore cited the $247,000 stat quite literally. And that’s just a few of the plethora of scientific and pseudoscientific studies suggesting that the IR disparity is a legitimate, validated gripe.
So what do we do about this, this IR disparity? Well folks, what has America always done to counter the effects of discrimination, benefit an underrepresented group, and fix a disparate impact? Affirmative action, baby!
I’m not talking equal opportunity here: I’m talking straight up quotas and preferential treatment. I propose that all straight unmarried women (and since this is 8A, I’m specifically directing the proposition at women of Asian-descent everywhere, hapas this includes you too) agree to a 50% quota, hereinafter the Quota. 50% of all the men you date should be Asian. That’s it. In fact, make a list of your dating history right now. If half of them aren’t yellow or some warm happy tone of brown, you’ve got a lot of catching up work to do. In fact, if you are single right now, make it a point for your next romantic encounter to be with an Asian dude.
Sites such as 8A and more recently BigWowo.com, among others have posted frequently about the IR disparity, with each post inciting quite the wrath from what at least appears on the surface to be APA males, though with the blogosphere, one never really knows. The most recent one, here, has brought out some really intriguing though unoriginal characters: boys crying, “you girls don’t think we’re good enough; you don’t love your own kind” and the girls saying back, “uh… you’re not good enough; and yeah well you don’t really love us either; plus there’s these two Asian guys at my school who are losers, so all Asian guys must be losers. ”
That post and the pulp of a dead horse that APAs have beat this issue into is what got me thinking about the efficacy of a Quota. The IR disparity has become our community’s very own Godwin’s Law (mainstream bloggers end up talking about the Nazis; APA bloggers end up talking about the IR disparity), as proven by discussion sites like ModelMinority.com’s “The Forum,” Fighting44s.com, YellowWorld.org, and the ultimate scary site, Chinadaily BBS… not going to tell you what I think BBS really stands for…
There’s no deprivation of choice here, nothing like arranged marriage. No one is telling you which Asian man to date; only that half of the men you date in your lifetime should be Asian, any Asian you want. And there are so many of them to choose from! Asia, I hear, is a big, big country. . . .
Even if there aren’t that many Asian males walking about the town you live in, once we get this demand going, Asian male mail order sites and Asian male “me love you long time” pop culture references will crop up for sure and soon enough we’ll be seeing creepy AdSense ads promoting the Asian male fetish all over 8A. Hollywood will ride the trendiness of the phenomenon and produce films featuring Asian men as the romantic partner of choice…or at least 50% of them will, and that’s a percentage I can live with. Marie Claire will run an article titled “The New Dream Husbands: Asian Men.” [Compare: Marie Claire‘s 2009 article, “The New Trophy Wives: Asian Women.”] And, boys, I know this is exactly what you’ve wanted. All the complaining of exoticism from Asian feminist activists… man, what do we know, we’ve actually had it good.
With a strict, national implementation of the Quota, the Asian male gripe will cease to exist. APA blogsites will finally focus on issues like the continuing hate crimes targeting Asian Americans; the backhanded model minority myth; greater APA political representation at all levels, city, state, and national; workplace discrimination and the glass ceiling that hinders Asian American professionals from breaking into executive positions; seating the first APA Supreme Court Justice; or poverty among urban Asians. Because I understand that none of these issues really matter until we can get the IR disparity squared away.
So ladies. Have you met your Quota lately?
(Image credit: TheOatmeal)
@vancity_canuck @Kalbi_Kid Richmond area rocks. I grew up in Seattle, and my parents used to do weekend day trips to Vancouver area. For a while that was the place for Asians to go… until Richmond sprouted up and became the place to go.
@akrypti
Lol, I blame it on the fact that the affirmative action component was so strong that it mislead me in thinking that the entire piece, from top to end, was satirical. And partly because we’ve been ‘programmed’ by past experiences to assume that anytime the issues of IR is brought up, girls (regardless of their preferences) are automatically going to take up the other side. I guess in hindsight, that’s funny as well.
That being said, my stance doesn’t change a lot. I still think the mutual attraction between AM and AFs is under-under-represented and unappreciated. It is too easily dismissed as ‘normal’, ‘non-progressive’ or somehow is a result of conforming to parent’s wishes. More credit should be given to AM/AF couples who find each other despite having smaller numbers and being overwhelmed since they are kids of the narrow definition of what ‘beautiful’ is.
@mwei
Well, it’s worth it if they are worth it!
@mr. hann @Takuma @akrypti
You got to admit though, even if it’s a dig at Asian guys (which I thought it was), it was still a very creative dig, compared to the lines we usually hear.
@PamelaNRed
Pamela, I actually remember your name from a big topix thread a few years ago (about Asian Guys), so I know where you’re coming from and won’t misread your intentions here. But I do find your post a little concerning.
I will say that for the utter majority of Asian Men that are attracted to Asian women do so because we love love their brown eyes and lovely smile and not because our parents told us to bring home an Asian girl.
I remember that you were a Kaneshiro Takeshi fan and have a Mexican Hubby? (I could be very wrong though since i only read a few pages on that thread and it was a long time ago, but your name and responses really stood out for me).
Sounds like the plot to an episode of ‘The Chin Chens’.
@N
Sorry, didn’t mean it to sound like you didn’t want an Asian girl, I simply meant that parents often pressure their sons into marrying girls of their own race since you carry on the family name. Yes, my husband is a mixed bag of many things, Mexican is one of them, he is also a 1/4 Seneca and I have been on Topix and I do find Takeshi Kaneshiro handsome. Not sure what any of those things has to do with this thread but you do have the right Pamela N Red. As far as I know I’m the only one, sort of like Tigger. :o)
@vancity_canuck @Kalbi_Kid
Have you ever been to Oklahoma? I don’t think so. I live here and I can tell you we have more than average inter-racial couples including Asian men with White women. I see it all the time. The spokeswoman for the Edmond police department is married to a Chinese man. If you are going by that silly video someone made it wasn’t made in Oklahoma, those people don’t even have Okie accents. I can assure you it is not true.
@PamelaNRed @vancity_canuck @Kalbi_Kid Yeah, I’ve been to Oklahoma a few times. I hope you all put aside any misconceptions about the Midwest. There are quite a lot of Asian male/ X female (white, latino,etc.) couples out here, just as much as the Asian female/ X male couples. Really, it’s just as much, there’s hardly any gap between the two.
Unless the girl is very superficial or is already taken (it’s true that many people in those areas hook up and marry early), a lot of the white females there don’t mind too much about Asian guys features. Some don’t care about the height. Vancity_canuck has a point, that it really is more about personality than stereotypes when it comes to these matters.
@PamelaNRed @vancity_canuck @Kalbi_Kid Well, let me rephrase a few things. The girls in the midwest, like most places, still care somewhat about height. However, they’re willing to overlook it if the guy can really charm her. Most of the Asian guy/x female couples I’ve seen that guy is often taller, but there are some that are roughly the same height or shorter by an inch or two. One married couple I know of, the wife is half a foot taller than her husband.
@N like seriously? there are better alternative investments out there.
@PamelaNRed @vancity_canuck I have never been to Oklahoma, but really, anecdotes don’t hold much water in the face of overwhelming data that there is an enormous discrepancy between the number of AA women dating/marrying out compared to the opposite pairing. Nobody is arguing that WGWAGuy couples don’t exist. The issue is the disparity. Take a look at this data compiled from the 2000 census (dated, yes, and I’m looking for similar analysis of the 2010 census). FYI, I don’t endorse anything this blogger says at all. I think he’s probably a racist, but he discusses interesting topics using seemingly sound methods. http://anepigone.blogspot.com/2009/05/marriage-and-cohabitation-rates-by-race.html Beyond rates of marriage and cohabitation, I encourage you to look into the actual number of AA men getting married vs. AA women getting married. The gap is staggering.
For the record, this isn’t me kvetching about the problem. It’s me trying to convince people that when AA men talk about this, they’re not just making sh*t up. -@kalbi_kid
@Danny_Ahmed @vancity_canuck @Kalbi_Kid
That is true, Danny, I see just as many Asian guys here with white women as I do Asian women with white guys. Oklahoma and Texas are very friendly and height isn’t important here. Incidentally, we are considered the south, not Midwest.
@mwei
Why would you settle for an ‘alternative’ when you could get what you want?
@PamelaNRed @Danny_Ahmed @vancity_canuck @Kalbi_Kid lol. My wife and I have been watching the IR scene for a while. NC has changed in the last five years some, but as far as the South goes, or actually anywhere, this observation of mine predominantly rings true. While most smaller towns don’t bat too much of an eye at WMAF relationships anymore, they do actually do the entire jaw drop, double take, all that, with AMWF. And the latter is a staggering low number here, although it’s actually getting better (go shopping anywhere, and you’ll sometimes see younger couples that are).
Most of the IR relationships here are due to transplants though or younger gens. And you’ll still a lot of racist “behind the back” type talk. Doesn’t mean this doesn’t happen on the west coast either. It still does in small towns.
I’ll also say this. Don’t ask me why this happened. I got more stares going to Costco, which tends to cater to a little bit higher social statuses around here, than Sam’s Club (don’t ask me why there’s that social difference, it just happens around here – maybe nouveau riche).
Ahhh… gotta love it. I disagree with Pamela though. I’ve seen enough of the backstabbing type talk to last multiple lifetimes. Just because IR exists doesn’t mean people don’t talk or give stares, and sometimes, that type of mindset leaks out, however guarded it is. Call me cynical. 😉
@PamelaNRed I’m really very interested to see some data about what you’re claiming, since you seem to be comfortable speaking for 30 million people.
@Kalbi_Kid @PamelaNRed @vancity_canuck I understand and quite aware of the perception of more Asian women than men couple with non-Asian individuals. Part of these perception was influence by mainstream media (emasculating the Asian male while hyper-sexualizing the Asian female) as well as some, but not all, Asian women who are very vocal about not wanting anything to do with Asian men. I don’t think the Asian women who do that are in the majority or significant number, they’re just vocal about it. Sometimes, it’s just a mood thing, and they can change their preferences just as easily if they meet the right guy or is in the right mood. In general, the women with those attitudes have issues, so it would probably be wise just to not date them.
With statistics, you kind of have to see these things with a little grain of salt. Back in 2000, Asian encompass many groups besides East Asian, and among Middle Easterners, they overlapped with the Asian and White catergories. There were other issues among racial identification back then as well. The 2010 census got more specific but it relied heavily on the individual to self-identified.
The other thing is that there are quite a few reasons, beyond race, why men and women hook up. Sometimes, it had to do with location and sometimes the non-Asian guy happen to have the type of personality that the Asian woman is interested in. It could be as simple as that for some couples, it’s hard to know unless you know them personally.
@darkmoon @PamelaNRed @vancity_canuck @Kalbi_Kid Although I didn’t get the jaw dropping thing, I’ve gotten some stares from a few people from just hanging out with non-Asian (White and Black) female friends. It wasn’t that much, but like maybe 1 out of 10 people maybe. The stares were not mean or anything like that, more like curious. Whether or not they talk smack in private, I wouldn’t know and it’s not my concern. In a public place, sometimes I would be either too busy or distracted to notice them, but they are there if you catch them at the right time.
@akrypti So, have you taken action in your “affirmative action” plan yet? How many eligible bachelor Asian guys have you taken out for drinks since you’ve published this blog?
I’m going to assume they have to send in an application to qualify for an affirmative action date with you, then you screen for the best applicants. Otherwise, it’d be too much work if it wasn’t done on through a qualification process.
@Danny_Ahmed lol. I’m with ya there. I don’t really notice anymore. My wife notices it more often because she’s not used to it. I just know about the grapevine talk mainly because I hear about it from other friends that tell me… hey… did you hear that someone said this that, or another thing.
We get a little more than 1 in 10 here. Although the one I have to laugh about is when I went into the grocery store at the small town (pop of about 2500) that my wife grew up in, and this one girl was with an Asian guy, and she turned… glanced and saw me… then… completely double-take, and jaw drop. I mean, you couldn’t hide it or anything. It was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen in my life. I was checking to see if I forgot to zip or something cuz I was like.. uhh.. what? what happened? lol.
@PamelaNRed @Danny_Ahmed My bad, I didn’t mean to insult Oklahoma or the South of the United States. I’ve been to Texas, and thought it was fantastic (everything was huge, they were crazy about football, great cheap steaks, cute accents on girls).
What I mean to say was, if an Asian person was concerned about being viewed as another stereotype or having to deal with ignorance, then they’d probably be better off living in a city where white people grew up and lived among a lot of other Asian people. It’s only logical, right? A white chick would be more aware of attractive Asian guys if she went to school with a lot of them, grew up with them, worked with them, and was friends with them.
In Oklahoma, there’s less of a chance that happens. I’m sure there are Asian guys that do quite well there dating wise, but they’re probably super whitewashed (not that that’s bad, but that’s probably how you have to be to fit in in the deep South). They’re probably pretty socialized too, being an Asian guy that chooses to live in Oklahoma or Alabama.
As I said before, I don’t think any girl in her right mind regardless of race would object to dating an attractive, socially intelligent Asian guy. Point was that your less socialized, less good looking Asian guy living in Oklahoma would probably get a lot less action than a less socialized, less good looking White guy in Oklahoma. At least the less socialized white guy is more likely to go to a bar, whereas the Asian guy’s going to be on StarCraft all night (that’s a stereotype, but you know it’s mostly true).
@N @mwei who’s settling? 😉
This is simpy never going to work. There’s no way you can force AF who are simply not interested in AM to be attracted to them, attraction is not a choice.
@vancity_canuck @PamelaNRed lol, I would also rather play starcraft than a bar. It’s an addicting game, can’t be help.
Anyways, when I was in high school, around 10 years ago, a lot of Asians would go to Oklahoma for rave parties. When I got to college, I went there to gamble at the casinos. In the Midwest, a lot of us would drive around several states for fun. Keep in mind that I lived in a small town, so we would venture out to KC, St. Louis, Oklahoma, Kansas, Nebraska, Iowa, etc. There’s stuff to do there, I mean it’s not like wow, but it’s enough to keep yourself occupied and enjoy your free time.
In terms of being whitewashed, it probably depends on how you define it. People are a product of their environment, so most of the time, it’s just who they are due to those circumstances. What their taught, what their exposed to, who their friends are, etc. Nothing wrong with that part. Young people go through identity crisis all the time, added with the race/cultural difference, it affects us, but eventually most people find ways to deal with it. Or they get too busy to think about it. In the midwest, one is bound to have at least one non-Asian (likely white) friend or associate. Good friends won’t be bother by these issues, not most of the time at least.
If by being white-washed means; worshiping-all things-white-while-looking-down-on-anything-but; hmmm, from my experiences those types are very few, not even the adoptees will go that far. I see them the same as the Asian girls who prefer anyone non-Asian; sometimes it’s just a mood issue or it’s someone with personality problems whom you wouldn’t want to hang out with too much in general.
@vancity_canuck @PamelaNRed lol, I would also rather play starcraft than a bar. It’s an addicting game, can’t be help.
Anyways, when I was in high school, around 10 years ago, a lot of Asians would go to Oklahoma for rave parties. When I got to college, I went there to gamble at the casinos. In the Midwest, a lot of us would drive around several states for fun. Keep in mind that I lived in a small town, so we would venture out to KC, St. Louis, Oklahoma, Kansas, Nebraska, Iowa, etc. There’s stuff to do there, I mean it’s not like wow, but it’s enough to keep yourself occupied and enjoy your free time.
In terms of being whitewashed, it probably depends on how you define it. People are a product of their environment, so most of the time, it’s just who they are due to those circumstances. What their taught, what their exposed to, who their friends are, etc. Nothing wrong with that part. Young people go through identity crisis all the time, added with the race/cultural difference, it affects us, but eventually most people find ways to deal with it. Or they get too busy to think about it. In the midwest, one is bound to have at least one non-Asian (likely white) friend or associate. Good friends won’t be bother by these issues, not most of the time at least.
If by being white-washed means; worshiping-all things-white-while-looking-down-on-anything-but; hmmm, from my experiences those types are very few, not even the adoptees will go that far. I see them the same as the Asian girls who prefer anyone non-Asian; sometimes it’s just a mood issue or it’s someone with personality problems whom you wouldn’t want to hang out with too much in general.
@Danny_Ahmed @darkmoon @vancity_canuck @Kalbi_Kid
Sometimes people look because they approve. Are they smiling or frowning? Smile at them and see what happens. If they smile back all is well, if they frown maybe not so much but don’t worry about it, you love who you love and it’s nobody’s damn business.
@Danny_Ahmed @darkmoon @vancity_canuck @Kalbi_Kid
Sometimes people look because they approve. Are they smiling or frowning? Smile at them and see what happens. If they smile back all is well, if they frown maybe not so much but don’t worry about it, you love who you love and it’s nobody’s damn business.
@vancity_canuck @Danny_Ahmed
I see all kinds, some white washed as you call it and some girls who learn the guy’s language and runs around with his people. Oklahoma is a lot like Texas and Arkansas with the accent and southern charm. We have more and more Asian people moving here, mostly Vietnamese and Koreans. I live in a suburb and we have a lot of Vietnamese people here. I didn’t think we had many Koreans but they just put in a Korean church so we must have more than I thought.
@Kalbi_Kid
Darlin’, like I said before, I agree with the late great Mark Twain and don’t put much stake in statistics. I’d rather judge by what I see with my own eyeballs. Come visit and see for yourself. Oh, and we don’t have 30 million here in little ol’ Oklahoma.
@Kalbi_Kid
Darlin’, like I said before, I agree with the late great Mark Twain and don’t put much stake in statistics. I’d rather judge by what I see with my own eyeballs. Come visit and see for yourself. Oh, and we don’t have 30 million here in little ol’ Oklahoma.
@PamelaNRed Seems that people who don’t like data like to reference Mark Twain. Texas has 25 million, Oklahoma makes up the difference. ~30 million. I’m glad to hear things are going well in OK’s IR scene.
@PamelaNRed @Danny_Ahmed @vancity_canuck @Kalbi_Kid Smiling or frowning? lol. This is the South. If they do anything, they’ll probably smile back. Lived here for close to a decade and one thing I’ve learned is that hidden within “Southern hospitality” is a bunch of nastiness. Southerners don’t say stuff to your face like they would in NYC or a fast paced, no nonsense bigger city. No, here they say…. “bless your heart” and smile and it’s meant as a complete insult but Yankees don’t get that it’s an insult.
Not saying everyone does it, but I’ve learned to not take anything at face value anymore around here. The South has some deep rooted stuff going on.
@PamelaNRed @vancity_canuck @Danny_Ahmed lol. Southern charm isn’t as great as people make it out to be. And OK accent is different from AR and TX. Just as NC and SC accents are.
I agree with more Asians moving into the South. I’ve also seen that happen while living here. But more … (last Census pinned Greensboro with 270k, and 2.84% Asian American), doesn’t mean that they take to IR either.
@darkmoon @Danny_Ahmed @vancity_canuck @Kalbi_Kid
That is true. There is that fake friendliness but I’m used to it and can take it better than in your face people. As far as “Bless your heart.” That’s usually not fake, at least not usually.
@darkmoon @Danny_Ahmed @vancity_canuck @Kalbi_Kid
That is true. There is that fake friendliness but I’m used to it and can take it better than in your face people. As far as “Bless your heart.” That’s usually not fake, at least not usually.
@darkmoon @vancity_canuck @Danny_Ahmed
That’s true. Eastern Oklahoma, which is where I’m from sounds like western Arkansas. If you’ve been to the Fort Smith area you’ve heard my accent. Oklahoma City and Tulsa don’t always sound as southern. Carrie Underwood and Reba Mcentire are from Oklahoma.Not all Asian people are interested in other races.
@PamelaNRed @darkmoon @vancity_canuck @Kalbi_Kid I think they were mostly people watching. I was just hanging out with friends who happen to be females and non-Asian. It’s different than if it were an actual couple. Back in Missouri, a lot of the people there value their privacy, so it’s like most people won’t bother you in general. Actually, back in my hometown, there’s been quite a few Asian/Non-Asian couples (both male and female vice versas) for a good 3 generations. I think nowadays, people will do that goggling-jaw dropping stare only if the couple happen to be good looking, or at least, one of them is.
@PamelaNRed @vancity_canuck I knew a Chinese girl who moved from Missouri to Texas when she was 12. It was only like 10 years since I heard what she sounded like, but she developed an accent from there. I don’t think I have an accent, but when I moved to California, a lady I talked to there said she heard a little hint of it.
Causing internet pandemonium among the Asian community in three easy steps:
1. Talk about interracial relationships
2. ???
3. Profit! (or not…)
@Enigma I’m kind of disappointed that the “blogosphere” don’t mention Bai Ling or Tila Tequila anymore T_T
I don’t get this constant obsessive concern with IR involving asians. Most asian coupls are are still asian-asian, even in America. I don’t care for the debate of “which couple is hotter” because frankly, I’ve seen plenty of couples of all ethnicities were one or both were fugly or hot. In general, true for almost all couples across race and country, the female is hotter than the male. That most definitely is true. If the female isn’t hotter than the male, then both partners are of equal attractiveness. If you really want to debate about which type of couples were hotter, I’d like to discuss the issue of why human males always expect to get a girl that is hotter than they are and yet the human female is expected to settle. You will never see a guy who is a 10 with a girl who is a 6. In many species of birds, the males have to be extremely attractive to get a mate. Why the reversal with humans?
I like the tongue in cheek humor. But the quota is funny because I’ve never dated black, arab, indian guys before does that mean they deserve a quota too? In conclusion, just let people date whomever you want. Why do people feel this weird need to talk about other people’s dating choices? I once had a major crush on a guy who was short, chubby, and bald and I’m really hot so I got endless flak over that. Did *NOT* date him by the way but I did think he was cute at the time.
I can’t believe I forgot to address the most important issue, which is the question, why, in IR, it is always the asian female and white male? It probably has to do with the fact that white males, other than asian males, are most likely to hit on asian females.
Speaking as an asian female here, but I don’t think I’ve ever gotten a serious come on from ethnic groups outside of caucasian and asian (I don’t count creepy passes). Well there was one south asian guy I think but I’m not attracted to him. Sometimes it’s not because of the race. Sometimes that person is just not attracted to you. And even in same-race dating, men face rejection more often than acceptance. It bothers me when it’s always chalked up to “it’s because I’m asiaaaan!”
I once met this asian-am guy who was weirdly obsessed with being asian and he had to constantly make comments about how girls treat him bad because he’s asian. In reality, his problem was because he’s negative and scaring girls away.
@twitterbroughtmehere Aaaaannnd here we go again.
@moye @twitterbroughtmehere ikr, here we go again, I’d say let this one go because of the lack of recognition for the effects media and a euro/white centric society have on ppls views of themselves and others regardless of gender. Whether it causes self hate or a lack of confidence By the way, nothing bad about being proud of your culture I know I wouldn’t have it any other way.
@twitterbroughtmehere No way, at UBC go to any frat party. Smokin hot white chicks with Asian guy. If you see an Asian girl/White dude couple, they are super dorky looking, just generally around campus. I’m not saying they all are, I’m sure there are exceptions. But just walk around campus, some of the white chicks with Asian guys are ridiculously hot.
@PamelaNRed @Danny_Ahmed @vancity_canuck @Kalbi_Kid lol… according to my wife, “Bless your heart” is usually fake. it’s like the biggest southern inside joke. (my words, not hers).
@PamelaNRed @vancity_canuck @Danny_Ahmed Yup. my current project, I’m working with Little Rock and Ft. Smith as my markets. Totally know the accent.
@darkmoon @Danny_Ahmed @vancity_canuck @Kalbi_Kid
Really? How sad. Here in Oklahoma if someone says, “Bless your heart” they mean it in a nice way. Being further west we are more open with our opinions than the deep south. Texas and Arkansas are pretty much the same.
@PamelaNRed @darkmoon Hmmm…..this must be a deep southern thing. I don’t I’ve ever heard anyone say that in person in the negative form. Although, I’ve only been to 3-4 Southern States.
@Danny_Ahmed @PamelaNRed The obvious ones are usually…. “, bless his heart.” like that’s supposed to soften the blow or something. But sometimes, it’s just meant in a bad way.
NC isn’t Deep South mind you. lol. We’re as north as OK and AR. Deep South is usually considered AL, MI, GA… but even then, it’s more like Savannah area or what not of GA.
As a transplant, I’ve actually heard it more often than not used in both good and bad ways, but more so in a bad mannerism. I actually was caught off guard for a long time with it, since it sounded like a positive thing but was the comment was almost in a snide type of fashion. Always with a smile too. Was like… WTH.
I’ve actually met people from Pam’s neck of the woods that use the same phrase in the same mannerisms. So I’d imagine maybe I just meet different types of people than ya’ll. lol.