For those not au fait with APA blogosphere lingo, “IR disparity” refers to the Asian American heterosexual male’s gripe with Asian American heterosexual females dating and marrying “out,” as in getting it on with non-Asians. Yes, it’s a gripe, a petulant, nagging, neverending whine whine “why don’t you love me?” whine, albeit a legitimate, validated gripe. Every APA blogsite (that counts) has at some point addressed the IR disparity or at least was coerced into addressing it by troll commenters. The IR disparity has a long history of— People, stop chuckling and rolling your eyes here. This issue is as important as civil rights. And in any case I’ve got a solution. A solid one.
First, a little context for the gripe. There’s this mysterious Tyra Banks statistic, which I cannot find the source of, but if Tyra Banks says it is so, then it must be so, that more than 75% of the interracial dating scene is between Asian females and white males. Last year, the Pew Research Center came out with a report titled “Marrying Out” that found Asians to marry out at the highest frequency among all races, with 40% of the Asians marrying out being female (and only 20% of Asian males marrying out). An older study, “What Makes You Click? Mate Preferences and Matching Outcomes in Online Dating” suggests there are attribute trade-offs in mate preferences, specifically in income to ethnicity, and found that an Asian male who wants a white woman needs to make $247,000 more than a white man who wants to get that same white woman. The authors of the study write that these results “should not be taken fully literally,” but a quick keyword search online pulls up tons of IR debates where people must have missed that part and therefore cited the $247,000 stat quite literally. And that’s just a few of the plethora of scientific and pseudoscientific studies suggesting that the IR disparity is a legitimate, validated gripe.
So what do we do about this, this IR disparity? Well folks, what has America always done to counter the effects of discrimination, benefit an underrepresented group, and fix a disparate impact? Affirmative action, baby!
I’m not talking equal opportunity here: I’m talking straight up quotas and preferential treatment. I propose that all straight unmarried women (and since this is 8A, I’m specifically directing the proposition at women of Asian-descent everywhere, hapas this includes you too) agree to a 50% quota, hereinafter the Quota. 50% of all the men you date should be Asian. That’s it. In fact, make a list of your dating history right now. If half of them aren’t yellow or some warm happy tone of brown, you’ve got a lot of catching up work to do. In fact, if you are single right now, make it a point for your next romantic encounter to be with an Asian dude.
Sites such as 8A and more recently BigWowo.com, among others have posted frequently about the IR disparity, with each post inciting quite the wrath from what at least appears on the surface to be APA males, though with the blogosphere, one never really knows. The most recent one, here, has brought out some really intriguing though unoriginal characters: boys crying, “you girls don’t think we’re good enough; you don’t love your own kind” and the girls saying back, “uh… you’re not good enough; and yeah well you don’t really love us either; plus there’s these two Asian guys at my school who are losers, so all Asian guys must be losers. ”
That post and the pulp of a dead horse that APAs have beat this issue into is what got me thinking about the efficacy of a Quota. The IR disparity has become our community’s very own Godwin’s Law (mainstream bloggers end up talking about the Nazis; APA bloggers end up talking about the IR disparity), as proven by discussion sites like ModelMinority.com’s “The Forum,” Fighting44s.com, YellowWorld.org, and the ultimate scary site, Chinadaily BBS… not going to tell you what I think BBS really stands for…
There’s no deprivation of choice here, nothing like arranged marriage. No one is telling you which Asian man to date; only that half of the men you date in your lifetime should be Asian, any Asian you want. And there are so many of them to choose from! Asia, I hear, is a big, big country. . . .
Even if there aren’t that many Asian males walking about the town you live in, once we get this demand going, Asian male mail order sites and Asian male “me love you long time” pop culture references will crop up for sure and soon enough we’ll be seeing creepy AdSense ads promoting the Asian male fetish all over 8A. Hollywood will ride the trendiness of the phenomenon and produce films featuring Asian men as the romantic partner of choice…or at least 50% of them will, and that’s a percentage I can live with. Marie Claire will run an article titled “The New Dream Husbands: Asian Men.” [Compare: Marie Claire‘s 2009 article, “The New Trophy Wives: Asian Women.”] And, boys, I know this is exactly what you’ve wanted. All the complaining of exoticism from Asian feminist activists… man, what do we know, we’ve actually had it good.
With a strict, national implementation of the Quota, the Asian male gripe will cease to exist. APA blogsites will finally focus on issues like the continuing hate crimes targeting Asian Americans; the backhanded model minority myth; greater APA political representation at all levels, city, state, and national; workplace discrimination and the glass ceiling that hinders Asian American professionals from breaking into executive positions; seating the first APA Supreme Court Justice; or poverty among urban Asians. Because I understand that none of these issues really matter until we can get the IR disparity squared away.
So ladies. Have you met your Quota lately?
(Image credit: TheOatmeal)
every time this topic comes up it makes me just not want to date anyone.
This article is sexist!
How dare Akrypti put all the burden of solving IR disparity on Asian women. (“I propose that all straight unmarried women (and since this is 8A, I’m specifically directing the proposition at women of Asian-descent everywhere, hapas this includes you too) agree to a 50% quota, hereinafter the Quota. 50% of all the men you date should be Asian.”)
America also believes in “Equal Justice Under Law”! (See the inscription on the west pediment of the US Supreme Court.)
You obviously care about your Asian brothers who are being short changed by IR disparity. Time for you to start caring about your Caucasian “sisters” who are also being short changed (and left lonely)!
I suggest you revise your Quote to also say that, “All straight unmarried Asian men agree to a 50% quota, to wit, that 50% of all the women you date should be Caucasian.” This requirement will put Asian guys on parity w/Asian gals and give them the affirmation to go after all those white gals who have been abandoned by white guys for Asian gals! I hope you’re not trying to keep all those Asian guys for Asian gals exclusively while Asian gals get to choose between Asians & Caucasians. 😉
Ironically, getting more Asian guys dating white gals will reduce the pressure on EVERY to date a certain way because of race. The more we all intermix, reducing the IR disparity, the freer we are to date and marry according to what “clicks” w/our minds, hearts, and bodies!
Sounds win-win to me.
@Phantom This is a sure path to whitewashing and the deathblow of AA culture. Let’s just have a quota for everyone to have sex with at least one person who’s white, Hispanic, Asian, black, Native American, eskimo, etc, so nobody feels left out. Happy?
@Phantom /sarcasm
@dzheng
By the sound of it, you won’t be happy if any Asian marries a non-Asian…. Poof! There goes Bruce Lee’s mom, Bruce, and especially his kids! Yep, that would definitely help AA culture. . . . (rolls eyes)
Also, there’s not some monolithic “AA culture.”
Like any other American couple, when an IR couple marry, they get to decide what’s best from each of their families’ cultures, religious heritages, ancestral countries’ cultures, and even ethnicities that they want to incorporate into their new family’s culture. Their focus is on *doing the best for their family*, and esp for their kids — the next generation, the future! Hopefully, they’ll make wise choices. But those choices, like the initial choice of whom to marry, are theirs to make — they’re the ones who ultimately have to live with the consequences of that choice.
BTW I never mentioned non-marital sex. I only mentioned dating and marriage. Let’s not get crude….
All I’m saying is, “what is good for the [Asian] goose is good for the [Asian] gander”! 😉
@Phantom
The couples most people have a problem with are the individuals that say derogatory things about the opposite sex of their own race and only choosing their current partner because of not being able to find a woman or man of their own culture.
There are healthy relationships that just happen and not because of obsessions or feeling like they are settling just to have a date.
http://hubpages.com/hub/Interracial-Relationships-Dos-and-Donts
You know, a lot of these Asian American males’ complaints come about because they’re not being paid any attention by white women. Well guess what, white women are too busy fooling around with our African-American brothers to notice quiet ol’ you.(and for those who don’t understand why, let’s just say a white woman with a black guy feels like an asian girl with a white guy. Also, are you ignoring the jokes about how Half-Asians look like they have Down Syndrome? Don’t you think these jokes have any affect on how White women chose their future mates?).
What is this fetish that we Asian men have for white women? Why do we keep barking up the tree that doesn’t yield any results? You know there are plenty of attractive women from other races who admire Asian men. I’m dating a beautiful, assertive, well-educated Puerto Rican girl (and her dad is a doctor, to boot. My parents really liked that) and I have never been happier, and yes, I’ve dated white girls in the past, and yes, our descendants will end up looking like Kristen Kruek.
If we (pathetically, I might add) continue to hound after white women that don’t reciprocate, the only thing it does is contribute to their notion of White Supremacy, that they made you believe there is no viable alternative. So do yourself a favor, and stop embarassing yourself and your race. If you don’t think they’re laughing at you, you’re not paying attention.
Also, thanks, asian girls, for giving it up so quickly that every guy you sleep with quotes Full Metal Jacket’s infamous viet hooker scene when they talk about you.
@MayaulKayiim As an Asian male, I couldn’t care less about attracting white females. I doubt white males care much about attracting women of other races either. It’s a game of options and status though, and because of the low status of AM, most WF are out of reach.
@dzheng @MayaulKayiim
Not all white women are after AA men. They never interested me. As far as chasing people, that is never productive. Instead you want to meet the person you are meant for in the middle regardless of race.
@dzheng @MayaulKayiim
Not all white women are after AA men. They never interested me. As far as chasing people, that is never productive. Instead you want to meet the person you are meant for in the middle regardless of race.
@dzheng What low status? Asians have the highest average income of all the ethnicities (including higher than Whites), the next highest IQ’s of all the ethnicities (after the Jews, don’t feed me a line of bull about how there’s multiple intelligences. Visio-Spatial and Analytic intelligence have contributed the most advancements to society, hands down) and Asian countries are the only challengers to the West in economic dominance. I hardly think that qualifies Asian men as having a low status.
@MayaulKayiim Income does not equal status, that is far too naive. A politician or lawyer has higher social status than a computer engineer, regardless of how much the engineer gets paid. Being an economic powerhouse does not necessarily translate to sexual success or social skill.
@dzheng Oh please. Being elected as a Politician comes from an ethnicity’s sheer numbers (and minority Politicians rely on the size of their ethnicity as their constituency) and Asians simply don’t reproduce as quickly as the other minorities. Also, since you brought up lawyers, there are plenty of Asian lawyers that graduated from top universities. Are you pretending that all Asians are computer engineers or computer oriented?
Asians are being viewed negatively these days because of the threat China poses to the US, and the thinktanks are trying to rewrite what it means to be “American” and “higher status”. They’re suspiciously delineating along all the differences between Asians and everyone else in the US, like penis size, aggressiveness, propensity to commit crimes, low work ethic, etc. The only problem is that it won’t stick, because it’s based on bullshit. It sounds suspiciously like Orwellian DoubleThink, and tastes suspiciously like Kool-aid.
It looks like I hit a nerve with you instead of making you proud to be Asian. It looks like we found ourselves a troll. You pretty much gave yourself away “DZheng”. No self respecting asian assumes all asians are “computer engineers”.
@MayaulKayiim I never said that “all Asians are computer engineers”, you assumed that. Who’s the racist one?
The reality is that no amount of money is going to make you successful with the ladies, with the notable exception of gold diggers. Money usually accompanies status, but you are incorrect in assuming that holding a high-paying job is automatically high status, it’s only an indicator of middle to upper class.
Notice how I did not bring up negative stereotypes, penis sizes, etc. You did. Who’s the racist one?
@dzheng Not only are you a troll, you are a failure of a troll.
“The reality is that no amount of money is going to make you successful with the ladies, with the notable exception of gold diggers.”
No, you’re right, I never needed money to be successful with the ladies, but I was successful nonetheless. My Chinese billionaire counterparts don’t seem to have much trouble getting gold diggers, and I don’t think either are complaining.
“Money usually accompanies status, but you are incorrect in assuming that holding a high-paying job is automatically high status, it’s only an indicator of middle to upper class.”
Yeah, I guess SOMEONE has to be lower class. I’m glad it isn’t going to be me or the majority of my Asian-American brethren. And for what it’s worth, this “status” you talk about, does it buy you a nice house in a nice neighborhood? I hope it keeps you warm, whatever this “status” is, or at least fill your Tweetbox with a thousand “boay! wu$$up mah boay!”‘s to distract you from the crushing reality that is whatever ghetto slum you and your real ethnicity occupies. Congratulations, you’ve been conned by America.
@MayaulKayiim Who are these Chinese billionaires you speak of? Do you personally know any of them? It does not support your argument at all.
Answer me this: if AA males do not have low social status relative to any other race as you are saying, why are AA women outmarrying at a rate of about 50%? If AA males are as desirable as you would like to think, why does this interracial debate continue with AA men bemoaning their lack of dating options? Why would AA men need “affirmative action” in dating if they were successful?
Hint: it has nothing to do with money.
@dzhengLet me google that for you, my incompetent friend: http://blogs.forbes.com/russellflannery/2010/10/28/forbes-china-rich-list-focus-number-of-billionaires-soars-to-record-128/
Your attempt to surmise status by sexual activity is ridiculous. African Americans have a tremendous disparity in the amount of outmarrying by its men, and there has been documented proof that African American women as a demographic are having trouble finding mates. Does that mean African American women have low status?
It sounds like this “Status” means whatever you want it to mean, like other bullshit emperor’s-new-clothes buzzwords like “moxy” and “grit”. I realize what this “Status” is that you’re talking about: that your ethnicity is the current favorite lapdog of the White Supremacists and they’re petting you oh so nicely. They’re petting you so nicely, little pet, that you’re forgetting how they treated your ethnicity like trash a few years ago, and will do so again in the future when their capricious whim turns on you, but for now, it feels like everything will be alright…
That’s all you are. A pet.
@MayaulKayiim Your attempt to equate money with sexual success is ridiculous, and you can’t even answer my simple question.
Status is having authority over others. A computer programmer is a middle manager’s bitch, whereas an actor, lawyer, politician, etc. has influence and power. It’s being able to command respect no matter what skin colour you are. You’re the only one reminding us about negative stereotypes against AM and black females and thus reinforcing them, while bringing up white supremacists out of nowhere as a straw man to knock down. Who’s the racist?
@dzheng @MayaulKayiim
There are low class people with money. Look at Paris Hilton. Having a lot of money doesn’t give a person good standing in society.
“It’s being able to command respect no matter what skin colour you are.”
Before the rise of China, I remember this being a regular thing for me. Now that China is an economic threat, all of a sudden things have changed. It’s nice knowing that because of my ethnicity’s clout the entire West is rewriting the rules.
“actor, lawyer, politician” <- actors are only given roles dictated by directors and producers have have little to no say otherwise(with very few exceptions). We already went over this. Your lack of being able to retain the facts we've gone over before makes me think you're just jealous of Asians and their intellectual prowess.
"You're the only one reminding us about negative stereotypes against AM and black females and thus reinforcing them"
Simply bringing up other ethnicities cause you to react with "who's the racist?" I can't bring up other races in a fair manner? You think you're winning any points that way? Besides, the low marriage rate of African American females is NOT negative stereotype, it's a documented FACT. You don't think there aren't White Supremacists? Where is this amusement park you call reality? I'd like to visit.
@PamelaNRed @dzheng Well, look who joined the Spit-On-Asians party.
@MayaulKayiim @dzheng
I hope you don’t judge a current or future generation for the indiscretions of our ancestors. This is why so many prejudices remain today. Too many people holding others accountable for past mistakes. I like to think that we learn from the bad decisions of our ancestors and move on in friendship.
@PamelaNRed @MayaulKayiim Paris Hilton comes from an elite family, has millions of fans and is widely regarded as attractive and famous. So that would be a very poor example of low status, quite the contrary.
A better example might be a janitor who won the lottery.
@dzheng @MayaulKayiim
Location has a lot to do with attitude towards a race of people. Not all of America have the same opinions of nationalities.
@MayaulKayiim Actors choose what roles they want to play and how they portray them. Heath Ledger’s unique portrayal of the Joker comes to mind.
You are bringing up negative stereotypes where they are totally uncalled for, and groups of people who have nothing to do with your argument, people who you have no connection to (billionaires and neo-Nazis?)
People have been talking about the rise of China for more than 10 years, it’s nothing new, but it doesn’t mean that anything at all has changed on the individual level. Attitudes are hard to change and AA women are still going to outmarry at very high rates.
@dzheng Actors audition for roles. They choose what roles to audition for, yes, but the roles are determined long before they audition. Heath Ledger is one of the exceptions I’m talking about. For the majority of actors in Hollywood(even the ones with “Status”), the Director or Producer retains the final say in creative control. Saying exceptions are the rule is like saying because 1% of 1% of all dropouts are billionaires (Gates, Zuckerberg, Branson) you’ll be a billionaire because you’re a dropout.
“You are bringing up negative stereotypes where they are totally uncalled for.” You mean like saying “asian males have low status”, you hypocrite? Saying “asian males have low status” is a blanket example of a negative stereotype, and is frankly just incorrect.
As for the low marriage rate of African American women, once again, this isn’t a stereotype, it’s a fact: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/06/04/us/04interracial.html African American men are still going to outmarry at very high rates too. That doesn’t mean the women they leave behind are lower in status, my mental midget friend.
@dzheng @MayaulKayiim
It is a perfect example. She may have come from money but she is still low class.
The janitor may have morals, manners and know proper etiquette in society so he very well may have more class than Paris.
@MayaulKayiim @dzheng
Most African American men do not marry. They sleep with and impregnate women but in most cases they do not marry them. I’ve noticed a decline in their popularity for this reason, at least in my area.
@PamelaNRed @MayaulKayiim Morality has nothing to do with status.
@MayaulKayiim I’m not going to discuss black people.
Asian males have low social status, this should be pretty obvious but it isn’t to denialists like you. How else would you attribute the overall unattractiveness of AA males among AA females, considering AA females outmarry at an alarming rate of 50%? You still cannot answer that.
@dzheng “I’m not going to discuss black people.” Why not? You obviously don’t have a problem discussing Asians as an entire race, using demographics discussed here? why not discuss the facts that I presented from the New York Times? Are you one of those guilty liberals that aren’t racist against those whose ancestral homelands are hopelessly screwed, but are racist against races that can obviously help themselves?
Once again you’re being an ignorant racist that assumes quite incorrectly all Asian males have low status, and once again you’re making blanket assumptions about Asian American females. Your racism is as thick as your head.
As for the endless child-in-the-back-seat-asking-“why?why?”-over-and-over-again brainfart you call a “question”, you seem to want a sweeping generalization about the habits of all Asian women, but unfortunately a racist like you couldn’t fathom that they have their own individual reasons for doing what they do.
@PamelaNRed @dzheng I agree with you here, PamelaNRed, but that’s because I’m from generation X. It seems the younger generations were never taught how to play the game of “class” and so they want to do away with the game entirely and base their new version of class on how many sex tapes are released, the number of artificially created sensational headlines can be produced, etc. It’s essentially the 21st century equivalent of the Goths ransacking Rome, or the American version of China’s Red Guard. Hopefully, when they get older they’ll learn from their mistakes and pick up where their parents left off, but for now, Bullshit far outweighs Reality.
@MayaulKayiim “Individual reasons?” More like rationalizations of why AA males are unattractive. It’s a rhetorical question, one which does not need to be answered because it’s obvious: AA males are not as attractive to AA females as white males are, and it’s not black or Hispanic males that AA females are marrying by the boatload, it’s white males. It’s not even rich white males either, it’s just any white male. Marry white male, get A+ in social status. That’s just how it is.
@dzheng Oh good for them. That’s quite a big accomplishment for white males, to simply being born into the majority. It’s too bad it’s not based on any individual merit or accomplishment aside from them not killing themselves and waiting. Considering that the OTHER half of Asian women are marrying Asian men, I think you know what the next tier in social status is.
And another thing: if you tell ANY male of ANY ethnicity they’re of low class, expect to be confronted and handled appropriately. People these days trade racial slurs like it’s nothing because of the harsh economy, but if you attack a person based on their ethnicity, why would you expect them to just roll over and take it? Are you that naive?
Still, you haven’t answered MY question: why do you refuse to discuss African Americans? I think we’re all mature enough here (I’ll make an exception for you) to discuss why African American women are being left at the altar while African American men are playing the field. Or are you just scared something’s going to slip out?
@MayaulKayiim Yup. It’s whites on top of the social ladder, Asians are second tier. People like you are incapable of any honest introspection. I am an Asian male, and I’ll admit that the status of AA males is relatively low and that white males have a slightly better chance at dating AA females than I do. It’s not about merit or accomplishment, but rather when an AA female marries white, it boosts her image and status, it signals “look at me, I’m accepted by white people.”
I’m not interested in discussing black people, but I think you’ll know what my conclusions are.
@dzheng Oh you think rolling over and taking being called low status is honest introspection? Everyone in America fights for what they want out of life, Asians included, and considering how much Asians have had to deal with idiots like you the entire time they worked upwards, I think we deserve a measure of respect from you. No one here has been fooled into thinking you are an Asian for a long time, and you’ve long since exposed yourself as a troll and a nuisance. Anyway, we’ve already gone over Asians status in the world and if you’d be so kind as to scroll up and reread the thread you’ll realize how much of the “We Gotta Fight China! We whites will be right behind you!” Kool-aid you’ve been drinking.
It’s really sad, that as soon as Whites allowed your ethnicity to be their lapdog you forgot the old saying “Divided We Fall.” This is really what they want, to play us against each other.
@dzheng Oh you think rolling over and taking being called low status is honest introspection? Everyone in America fights for what they want out of life, Asians included, and considering how much Asians have had to deal with idiots like you the entire time they worked upwards, I think we deserve a measure of respect from you. No one here has been fooled into thinking you are an Asian for a long time, and you’ve long since exposed yourself as a troll and a nuisance. Anyway, we’ve already gone over Asians status in the world and if you’d be so kind as to scroll up and reread the thread you’ll realize how much of the “We Gotta Fight China! We whites will be right behind you!” Kool-aid you’ve been drinking.
It’s really sad, that as soon as Whites allowed your ethnicity to be their lapdog you forgot the old saying “Divided We Fall.” This is really what they want, to play us against each other.
@MayaulKayiim You don’t get it do you? Even white expats in Asia have more success with the ladies than local men do, simply because they’re white. It’s not just an AA thing, it’s everywhere.
@PamelaNRed Its always a countdown with chicks like you until they have to bad mouth Black men to prop up their ethnic fetish choice.
@BlasianBytch I thought I was the only one who noticed that comment. WTF?
@moye I’m sure most people saw it and read it and either didn’t care enough to comment or agreed.
@dzheng No, here’s what YOU don’t get, my non-Asian friend. Population growths have never been higher in East Asian countries, with or without whites. Asian men can get plenty of action, so don’t worry about us.
@BlasianBytch
I have not fetish. Just look at statistics and you’ll see what I’m talking about.
@BlasianBytch @PamelaNRed Oh no, how dare someone say something negative about Black men. Never speak up when someone is talking shit about Asian men, but don’t dare say anything negative about Black men. Does this accurately reflect your double-standard logic?
@MayaulKayiim Wow, are you really that ignorant? Japan and South Korea are both among the lowest birth rates in the world.
South Korea: 1.2
Japan: 1.3
It takes 2.1 live births per woman just to replace the existing population.
China’s birth rate is slowing down, too. Keep denying.
@MayaulKayiim @BlasianBytch
Yeah, I noticed that too. I’m sorry if I’m not going to sugar coat facts. I was a social worker for years and can tell you from experience that it’s a cultural thing they are quite proud of. At least Asian men are taught family values and to take responsibility for their children. Yes, I’m aware there are exceptions but very damn few.
@MayaulKayiim @PamelaNRed Honey, you go google me and then talk that garbage to me. Don’t speak on things you obviously do not know about. I’ve defended Asian men on radio, TV and in print. No one on this site said a damn thing when this woman started spewing racist garbage and I’m not the type to sit around and not check her on it.
Most of the comments here are defending Asian men , no one spoke up for Black men and I will. So check your insecurity at the door.
@dzheng Woah woah, do I really have to parse things into manageable bites and talk down to you to communicate my point? I never said birth rates. I said population growths.
That’s the problem when dealing with you ignorant trolls. You can put up a good front, but your lack of knowledge is quickly noticeable. Anyway, it’s nice that you finally googled something on your own instead of waiting for me to hit you with facts.
Anyway, back to this point: “I’m not interested in discussing black people, but I think you’ll know what my conclusions are.”
No, actually I don’t know what your conclusions are. Are you psychic? Do you think I’m psychic? Well shit, I’m glad we don’t need to communicate with words. Please, tell us what your conclusions are. And don’t worry about sounding uneducated or ignorant, we’re used to that from you.
@PamelaNRed Really you can tell me how Black people REALLY are lol. Oh , I’m just dying to know.
You’re ignorance is stifling.
@BlasianBytch @MayaulKayiim
So stating statistical facts is now racist? Give me a break.