The Beauty Department’s Asian Beauty Focus Falls Short

I have an unhealthy obsession with Lauren “LC” Conrad of The Hills and Laguna Beach fame (probably from watching marathons of her shows on MTV and the fact that her voice always gets weirdly hoarse every time she gets upset….how do I even know this??) so I was happy to read her latest online venture, The Beauty Department. The blog features Lauren and her two pretty make-up artist friends who prove that they know how to look prettier than you ever will be by sharing their secrets on make-up, hair care and beauty inspirations. Maybe I’m sadistic, but it’s really fun reading about girls who include curling irons and false eyelashes in their daily morning routine.

Excuse me while I go all white girl on you, but like OMG. If you love to dream about all things feminine and conditioning your hair with homemade olive oil treatments, then this is the best site ever. They also occasionally feature Jamie Chung as their make-up model, and while I did not quite appreciate her performance in Sucker Punch, it is nice to see a fellow Asian girl included in the beauty clique. (Will they let me in?? Please??)

Yesterday, I was excited to see that The Beauty Department showcased their make-up tips just for me with Asian Beauty Focus: Eyes. You’ve probably heard me complain about the fact that I haven’t figured out how to make up my monolids (and got so many helpful tips!!!), so this post seemed perfect and awesome, with the sun bursting through the clouds and angels singing that there was a God. Until I actually read what they wrote.

We get so many emails from you and from those whose eyelids aren’t visible when they’re open (my client Rachel Bilson for example), asking how to make their eyes look bigger and I always first express my deep envy! Growing up, I was obsessed with supermodel Tatjana Patitz specifically because her monolids made her look so mysteriously alluring, enough so that she graced the cover of Vogue 39 times!

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay, first off: I’m glad to hear they receive lots of emails from Asian girls asking for eyelid make-up help but did they just bring up Rachel Bilson and Tatjana Patitz in the same paragraph? Last time I checked, white people don’t have monolids and the last time I Google-image-searched photos of Rachel Bison, I could clearly see the creases above her eyes. Also, Tatjana Patitz? That looks like a double eyelid to me. These women may have “cat like eyes” but please don’t include them in a demographic of epicanthic eye folds.

It also bothers me that they use Jamie Chung as a model. She’s Asian, yes, but you can even see her eyelid creases in the pictures they posted. Couldn’t they have actually found a model with monolids? It also doesn’t help that their step-by-step tutorial mentions the word “crease” no less than 5 times.

Girls, if you’re having to explain to an Asian monolidded girl to brush eyeshadow along, around and under her “crease,” then you’re dong it wrong. WE DON’T HAVE CREASES. WE HAVE EYELIDS THAT DISAPPEAR WHEN WE OPEN OUR EYES. If we had creases, then we wouldn’t be constantly searching for make-up help.

The Beauty Department, I love your blog but our calls for help are still going unanswered. Please try again.