Decline of Marriage in Asia: Lonely vs. Lazy Hearts?

By Brian

The cover article, “The Flight From Marriage,” in the August 20th 2011 edition of The Economist is about the decline of marriage in Asia. Looking beyond the usual pontification that the magazine embarks on and past the slant of ‘minority damsel in distress’, I think there may be something there that everyone who actually desires marriage and believes in gender equality can learn from.

In a nutshell from the article, marriage data in Asia indicates that more Asian women are choosing to marry later or not at all. This is mainly due to improved education and financial independence for women. There are also traditional expectations women have of ‘marrying up’, and pressure being the primary homemaker as well as maintaining a career. ‘Marrying up’ means marrying a man who is superior to the woman in financial and social status.

There is minimal mention in the article of what’s happening with the men in Asia, save that the least qualified men are probably having marriage difficulties at the same time as the most qualified women.

The article does mention that the West also faces similar issues with women and marriage but had more time to adjust, as those causes arrived more gradually there and problems manifest themselves differently.

If indeed any woman is choosing to delay or avoid marriage as the article described, then they are doing so with unreasonable expectations. As long as women and men have the same education and work opportunities, insistence on women to ‘marry up’ is betraying their independence as well as insulting men of equal standing due to equal opportunities. Sure everyone would like to be wealthier but marrying into it is not earning it, nor does it engender respect.

As men and women maintain a career, both should contribute to homemaking as equally as possible. The man should proactively help, and the woman should not be a control freak about it. In general, homemaking deserves at least as much respect as pursuing a career for either woman or man. How homemaking is undervalued in modern society deserves a whole other article in itself.

A successful marriage has always required open-mindedness, fairness, and backbone on the part of both spouses. These progressive expectations and attitudes, at the same time as equal education and financial independence for women, require conscientious thought and expression by both sides. This is as much a form of modernization as the availability of fancy food and smartphones. It would be a shame to let the opportunity pass by.

To delay or avoid marriage due to the inconsistencies of traditional expectations and contemporary life is a lazy choice. I hope both women and men choose to evolve their thoughts and actions, thereby their society and culture, and find love and marriage along the way.

P.S. How much do the same causes of the decline in marriage in Asia also contribute to extra-racial marriage by Asians and Asian-Americans of either gender? Does this contextual cognitive bottleneck make hyphenated Asians more susceptible to prejudice against their own race?

ABOUT BRIAN: Brian Lam is a 1/2th generation Chinese-American (immigrating to the US during high school), techie turned comic book and storyboard artist.

[Illustration courtesy of Peter Shrank/The Economist]