Top 10 “Asian” Christmas Ornaments

It’s the holidays so I decided to forgo the hard hitting “research” based articles I usually write (The Science and History of the Asian Squat Or Do All Asians Have Flat Butts?) to bring to you something more in the spirit of the season: Christmas ornaments. Specifically, Asian “inspired” ornaments.

I admit that when I started to research this article I thought I’d find more overtly racist ornaments. Something I could get upset about. (Maybe a bucktoothed Japanese figurine or an “I hate Asians” bulb?) But in reality it was all rather tame. Most were strange, funny, and/or ironical, some were somewhat racist, and all were incredibly tacky.

Without further ado, here are my top 10 Asian themed Christmas ornaments:

#10: Asian pride

(I’m all for Asian pride, but just not sure I need to declare it on my Christmas tree)

#9: Food related (Mostly sushi)

(Asian food seems to be a popular ornament. Can’t for the life of me figure out why. I prefer eating the real thing.)

#8: Asian Santa

(I think the only reason he’s considered “Asian” is because he has a parasol. Don’t they know that Santa is Asian?)

#7: Map

(Not sure why anyone would want a map of Asia (or anywhere for that matter) as a Christmas ornament but to each their own.)

#6: Asian elf

(I can’t figure out why he’s Asian, but whatever the reason it’s probably racist. I give whoever made this credit though for not doing drawing slanty eyes.)

#5: Asian décor

(Seriously? Maybe to go along with your Asian themed party?)

#4: Asian king

(The ornament’s description reads, “This great design has been inspired but the tale of Aladdin and Arabian Knights.” Really?)

#3: Buddha

(There’s something ironical about celebrating the birth of Jesus by having a Buddha ornament. But I don’t know why.)

#2: Kabuki

(This is just scary. Imagine having her watch you as you open your gifts. You better not be naughty!)

#1 Geishas

(Because nothing says Christmas like geishas.)

Whenever I see Asian “inspired” stuff like this, I wonder if there are any Asian/Asian American people out there who have them on their trees right now. If you do, drop me a note (with a picture). I promise I won’t make fun of you (in public).