Star Fu**ers (Put) On Ice

By Ken

One of the things I tell “emerging artists” is the sooner you find out what your “type” is, the sooner you can pursue your career with focus. A plan of attack. For some actors, it takes years and years to discover their type. Or better yet, come to terms with it. Actors can drift for decades without realizing a substantial career because of this flaw, and when they do finally recognize their type, they’re no longer that type—they’re a different type by then.

For me, I was told in college that I wasn’t going to be a leading man on prime time TV. There went my aspirations to be the Asian bitch on Dynasty. But it was what I needed to hear. I moved onto the “off-kilter gay guy.” But recently something sparked an epiphany that I was no longer “bent Bent” and that now I might be “deceptive stalker guy.” It was the look that Margaret Cho gave me at her recent CD release party.

After snapping a photo of Margaret with Rich Yap, a MAPID* artist, Margaret turned to me as if to offer herself for a photo with me. I smiled, waved, and thanked her for the photo with Rich. Then there was this troubled glint in her eye, as if she was thinking, “Oh, God. He’s a stalker…but he doesn’t want to be obvious about it.”

Later while Margaret obliged Rich with another photo opportunity plus a signing of her new CD, Cho Dependent, she seemed to be conscious of avoiding me at every opportunity that she could seize.

Sure, all this could be in my mind. That made me want to shout out loud, “Our mothers play golf together.” That probably would make me seem more stalker-ish than my “type” really is. I think I’m more awkward stalker-ish type than the Jeffrey Dahmer or Richard Ramirez type.

Or maybe she avoided me because I didn’t fawn over her and plead to give her a hug. I also tell newcomers that sooner or later, you’ll be auditioning against your “idols.” So the sooner you get over star-fu**ing them, the sooner you can book jobs.

A slightly similar incident happened with me when I auditioned for a Nickelodeon show (not a welcoming place for either ‘bent Bent” or “deceptive stalker guy”). While I waited to be seen, Ewan Chung walked in. I saw him at a reading a month ago and paid less attention to the reading than looking at him. I think he’s so cute. I self-flagellated myself for missing his recent OPM performances. While I awkwardly talked to him, I wished I didn’t have to audition and rather have continued chatting.

So lesson learned: at auditions, you’re not there to fawn, flatter, or fetch fodder for masturbatory fantasies. You’re there to get work.

All these are well and good about viewing oneself on equal footing as anyone else, no matter how famous or sexy, cute, wonderfully handsome, studly… Oh. Sorry.

The next lesson to be learned—and not necessarily dispensed by me but perhaps taken in—is what and when does your “type” inform about the actual person.

I’ll have to ask Ewan as OPM has upcoming tourstops in San Francisco, my hometown. I wonder if he would want to stay at my parent’s house…

ABOUT KEN: Ken Choy is an actor, writer, community organizer, and producer of Breaking the Bow. He is gay, green, and gluten-free.

*MAPID is founded by the author.